This morning I woke up with the thought that I couldn't sleep a goodnight's sleep for the past 6 years. 6 years is not fun. Kids are messy sleepers. They decided to keep me up night after night. Feeding, burping, changing, potty training, blocked nose, allergies. it's just a cycle to mention. So, the thought of long sleep deprivation this morningwas so intense that it couldn't let me go back to sleep again. I try to fill it up in the late morning, afternoon, whenever possible. It's just not working. Most of the time feel blank-headed, have severe memory loss, lack concentration, back pain. I can't sleep train them, which also gives me the vibe of being a bad mother. But it's true, I try so that at least they can have good sleep at night.
Motherhood is an extremely lonely journey with guilty feelings all the time, that's how I sum it up. The day they don't need me to take care of, I will wrap it up and will go back to where I came from.